mylovestory

When it stops raining ,it stops slowly.
The sun begins to peek out and the street is still wet.
The trees still drip-the weight of water too much for their thin limbs to handle.
You are standing there.
The rain caught up with you and you are trying to shake the water away.But it clings to your hair like a child that will not let go.
I am outside my house.My coat is drawn around me.You are at the end of the street and I know you want to talk.
I dont want to talk.I just want to remember.The way my head fit into the curve where your neck and shoulder meet.When we hold hands it is like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle finding each other.
The clouds are moving apart.It is becoming brighter as you walk closer.I want to race into the house and lock the door so that you cannot come in.You dont come any closer.
You knock at Anne's house.She opens the door.You say something,she laughs and you walk inside.
My heart stops.And then starts.
I fold myself and I drop on the grass.
I am too shocked to cry.
I am overwhelmed by grief.
You have moved on.I close my eyes.I cant cry,I cant scream.
I close my eyes and sleep blankets.

~~~~

When I wake up ,grass is tickling my nose.I almost sneeze.My nose is cold like it always is when everything around me drops temperature.
'Ohmygod I just fell asleep on the front lawn' is my first thought.
I sit up ,rubbing my eyes.What time is it?My gaze focuses.
I see you.
Anger boils over.I cant speak.I clench my hands.
"Hey.." You say.
"Dont...I...stop...talk."I close my eyes.Ok,deep breaths.
I get up.
"Are you OK?"
"No.Ok.Im not.You...just...cant...choose ...Anne."
I am stammering.
What is wrong with me?
Stupid Anne Crenshaw.
Supid him.
Stupid me.
Stupid rain.
I try breathing.
I cant.
I move towards the house.Everything swims in front of me.I keep on moving.He is saying something.I dont care.
I walk inside and slam the door.
I am alone.Blissfully alone.I find that I am crying and i wonder at the embarassment of crying in front of him,of letting my defences down.
I lift both hands to wipe away the tears and find that in both of my hands I am clutching tufts of grass and in my left hand a single velvet rose-water glittering on its petals-a rose that didnt belong to my garden until five minutes ago when I had woken up.

~~~~

I walk out of my house the next day,my defences up and my feet on solid ground.
No crying,I tell myself.
Just keep on walking.I walk towards the bus stand.
You are there.
I keep myself from swearing out loud.
Calm and composed.Ignore him.
I jam my iPod earphones into my ears.
You come up.You are saying something.
Ha.I cant see you,I cant hear you.
My gaze is fixated on the book in front of me.You bend down and lift the book from my grasp.
I gasp. Audibly.
My eyes meet yours.
Your gaze is intent.
I nearly shrink away.
Nearly.
I attempt to grab my book but my finger grasp empty air.You gently tug and my earphones fall away.Snow patrol fades away into my lap.
You keep gazing.
"You moved on quickly. You saw stupid Anne.And then you have the gall to lay a single bloody rose on my lawn." I accuse ,hotheadedly.
So much for my cool headed resolve.
"Anne?"
"Yeah.Yesterday."OK ,NO CRYING."
"Why would I want Anne when you are the apple of my eye?" You ask,bemused.
I almost bloom like a new rose.
Almost.
"Because she is tall and blonde and-"
"You are beautiful," You cut across.
"Right.So you say."
"Anne is nothing compared to the way you nose turns cold when the weather is sucky and freezing.She is nothing compared to how you are the only one I know who can talk your way into any conversation."
"Why were you at her house?" A quiet murmur.
"Because she has the best rose grden in the universe?"
I look up.
"I love you,cant you see?"
Harlan Coben is right.
Snow Patrol is wrong.
"Those three words,they say so much,its not enough."
Baloney.They were enough.