Ramblings on yet another passing year.

Ok,so Im going through this sudden bout of Nostalgia and listening to Avril Lavigne.Yes.Avril Lavigne.

And not her horrible new songs either.

The first album.

The one that I would listen to when I was 12 and dance around at 2 in the morning.

Stuff like 'Skater boi' and 'Complicated.'

I'd listen to 'My world' and 'Things i'll never say' and wonder when THAT guy would come around.

And THAT guy DID come along.

Anyone believe in forever?

I do.

I was talking to him today.

You know when you are on the phone and that someone says 'bye' and you just don't reply so that they will not hang up the phone?

It's crazy and horribly cheesy ,but yeahh.

I guess my lameacts of 2009 are going to carry onto 2010 after all.

Humph.

I still pick the chocolate chips off my muffin so I can eat it separately later.

I still sneak downstairs at 3 in the morning so that me and my friend can get some food out for that stupid chick-flick even though you SO badly want to watch 'The haunting in Connecticut' which you end up sleeping to ANYWAY.

Ohh yeahh. And when you cant find the food you want-just throw something in a saucepan and cross your fingers and pray and hope that it is at least edible enough to last throughout the movie before YOU are the one who gets scared that they are going to die.

Whats my point?

We do not change.

I mean,we do,but those little little things we do like snorting(I do it waaayyyy too many times) shaking your bum around to Ms.Lavigne ,loving criminology and all aspects of it-they do not change.

Not unless you want it to change.

Which Im sure you wouldn't .

Because that would just completely suck.

Its YOU. Its what makes YOU YOU.

Embrace it. Hold it close and never eeevvverrrrr let it go.

Someone is going to love it one day.

Yeahh,Im an optimistic.So sue me.

2010. Its a new decade. And I am happy to say that instead of sitting on my bed and studying yours truly's butt off while stuffing faces with Lindt chocolate like last time-its not gonna happen this time.

No.

This time-I am going for the countdown with friends and scream 3,2,1 at the top of my lungs.I am going to jump up and down and celebrate a new year.Why?Because it brings me closer to HIM.It brings me closer to achieving my dreams and NOW instead of saying "Yeah,I'll see you in 4 years",I can say "THREE MORE YEARS, BABY!"

I can be happy.Its 2010.Its the decade where I am going to get into uni,get a job ,get married and have that lameass cookie cutter dream which although is completely shallow-its what I want to live in. I want to pull all nighters because I have an important case to work on.I want to go holidaying in the Bahamas.But,most importantly,I want to be with the people that I love.I want to go shopping with Starry,tie up Specky's hair and smile at HIM.I want to tell Mimi that she looks pretty even though she wails that her hair is in a mess.I want to be besties with Slushie again.I want to say out loud the 'Things I'll never say.'

I want to renew friendships with the ones I lost out on ,and although it may be utterly and completely crazy-I am not going to do this because 'Its the new year.'Because guess what?

Life is too short.

Im sick of leaving it upto destiny and as a very wise soulmate once said-'I believe in destiny,but I believe you have to work to get it.'

So. Its time to roll up my sleeves,fill up UCAS forms ,get into Kings and graduate with top honours. Its cheesy and oh-so-gay,but its the way I want to live it.

And you know what?

When the next decade rolls around,Im still going to sneak down at 3 in the morning,Im still going pick the chocolate chips outta my muffin,Im still going to drink unhealthy cappuccino,and Im still going to snort. Got a problem?

Walk-aroo.

I walked today.

Just walked.

I walked upto the London eye.

Its great,isn't it?

Being alone.

It is then that you are vulnerable .So,the epiphanies hit you.

Its like an action movie.

Big bubbles of happiness float and zoom simultaneously towards you and they hit you with no impact but you experience a mind-jolt and you know.

You know what your music does and will always do.

You know why you do the crazy pajama dance.

You know why you copy WHATEVER Jon Foreman does when you are at a show.

You know who you will spend the rest of your life with.

I guess,in the end its just knowing that sets you straight.

It sets you where you are.

They say ignorance is bliss.

Well,pick me up and blow me apart.

Its finger lickin' baloney.

You need to know. You need to know to exist.

You cant just live a life of not knowing,of naivety ,of ignorance.

What kind of a life is that?

That is why you push.

You push for all that is worth.

You strive to find out and you don't care if it annoys them,because what the hell, right?

You NEED to know.

So,in the end you can listen to 'Dream on' and sing with Aerosmith.

So,that in the end you don't wonder what the truth is.

Its just for you.

Its all for you.

Yeah,it does suck ,knowing.

But its better than sitting around wondering 'what if?'

So,assuming,Ceteris Paribus-you know.

And you are having a bad day?

Curl under your quilt with either a movie or awesome songs on your iPod and a box of chocolates and Oreos.

Fall asleep to the music.

Wake up and feel much better.

Always works.

Then go online and tell all your friends on webcam that you love them and feel that lift when they say it back too.

And if that doesn't work ,walk to the London Eye with Maltesers and Twix and wait for the realization to hit.